The Anti Bully Blog Series, Edition #9 Follow Up

Another BIG Thanks to Mark for opening up and sharing his story. I can’t say I remember the Franklin thing, but yes I do think it would have been awesome if you’d done that. As long as I’ve known Mark, he’s been exceptional, I remember seeing him in the Elementry School Christmas concert sing his heart out, giving it his all, much like he did with most things he took on. This is a quality that should be admired, not discouraged. A sad trend I’ve noticed with MANY of the blog posts is if a kid was GOOD in school, they got bullied? How can that possibly be right? I know it’s accurate, but not right. I recently had a talk with my own father who told me I play dumber than I am, and that I am smarter than I give myself credit for. When I was little I was an EXCELLENT student, and that’s mostly when I got bullied. So I wonder, did I “dumb it down” as a defense mechanism? Scary to think, but is it possible kids today do the same thing? Sad to think that a child would NEED to act stupid to be socially accepted…Today as an adult I consider myself pretty intelligent, and am proud of it. As a matter of fact, the man I’m about to Marry (11 days thanks very much) is a very smart man, and it’s one of his qualities I LOVE! On that note I BEG kids, don’t dumb it down for them. Karma comes around, I promise, I’ve seen it more than once as a grown up.

You may or may not have noticed when I posted yesterday’s edition, I was excited because there was a topic I’ve been waiting for that came up in this post. Bullying in relation to one’s sexual orientation. I REALLY try and live my life with a live and let live mentality. No one person is better than another, and WHO some one is is FAR more important than what they are. I also believe in fighting for your rights, and the rights of others. I think this blog series gets that point across pretty well, but when I was in High School I was HEAVILY involved in the Gay Straight Alliance at my School, as a matter of fact in my last year of High School I was the Vice President. I was going to go into GREAT detail on the Alliance I was involved with but I think I could probably do an entire edition devoted to it and I think I will. Discrimination is right up there with bullying as far as a hot button goes with me, and are often hand in hand. Now I don’t remember when Mark came out, but I DO remember when another male friend of mine did, and the ABUSE he was faced with. His BEST friend stood by him, and he DID have a lot of friends who were there, but the fact that this factor of his life being exposed changed his world, and suddenly made him weird, its so beyond sad, and pathetic on the part of those who did it as well. I’m looking forward to doing a piece on MY experiences with the Gay Straight Alliance in High School. For now I will mention that like Mark mentioned there are resources out there, for both the LBGT, and the straight kids who are being bullied. Because of the blog series I've come into contact with Bullying Canada, which is based out of NB, check out their site here http://www.bullyingcanada.ca/index.php . The other is Kids Help Phone, which can also lead you to further resources. These people are professionals and can help you find what you’re looking for. Here is their Page http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/teens/home/splash.aspx and of course they still have the phone # 1-800-668-6868, a number I myself have used. Thanks again to Mark :)

Logo Credit To Nate

The Anti Bully Blog Series, Edition #9

So this Blog post was completely written by some one I grew up, and I mean literally because he lived up the street from me, Mark. The beauty of approaching him person was for starters they're a very creative, so they were able to write a fantastic piece for me, and I knew that. But another thing, that I'm REALLY excited about it is going to touch on bullying because of his sexuality. My High School had a Gay straight alliance which I was HEAVILY involved with, so needless to say I realize that bullying related to sexual orientation is a HUGE issue, and I'm very glad that we're now able to expand on to this topic with the blog. This post doesn't need anymore introduction I don't think, so I think I'll give you Mark's Piece

Bullying. Bully. Bullied.

When Nancy approached me with this project, I was excited. Recently bullying has been getting a lot of attention. This year has been plagued with LGBT-identifying kids and teenagers committing suicide in the U.S., and the Maritimes have had a slew of recent suicides maybe connected with cyber bullying.

As a non-jock, eccentric and quirky person, it probably comes as no surprise that I experienced bullying growing up. I want to stress that my experience is rather tame. I would be surprised if most of the kids that fall under the above description did not experience some form of bullying at some point. Thankfully, my experience was not the torturous routine that countless students go through, however bullying is bullying.

My bullying experience would have to begin in elementary school. At this point in my life the bullying was restricted to teasing. It’s probably fair to say that most kids at this age, including myself, teased each other, but I was definitely one that occasionally got singled out and the teasing was almost always the same. I was a small, emotional boy that had a flair for the dramatic. My voice’s pitch rivaled the girl the next desk over, and my flair for academia certainly didn’t help. Of all the names I was called, I think the only one that stuck was being called a girl. For some reason calling a young boy a girl seems to be one of the worst insults you can ever give. It’s horribly sexist towards women, and really shouldn’t been seen as an insult at all to men. Nevertheless, I was called a girl in elementary school. As a child this makes you feel like you’re not fitting in to some expected behaviour, makes you rethink everything you do, and makes you doubt yourself.

In junior high I experienced two levels of bullying. In the seventh grade our gym class was always followed by a grade 9 class, and more often than not they’d already be in the changing room getting ready for their class when we were getting ready to leave. Almost every day I was singled out (I was amazingly small, having not grown an inch in years) and they would pressure me to empty my school bag and they would take my lunch. My lunch! I felt like this was The Simpsons and Nelson was in the corner saying ‘Ha-Ha’. In hindsight I almost feel sad for them that they needed to do this, for whatever reason. In all likeliness it was to show power that they had over others and make them have respect among their peers. I believe that if enough of their peers would have just stood up and said that what they were doing was ‘not cool’ then it would have stopped. If a bully’s actions don’t get them power or respect, then what fuel is there? But this never happened and I would try to get to the changing room early, and fear every time I walked down that dimly lit corridor wondering if they’d be waiting.

Two years passed and I was in grade 9 suddenly being bullied by two seventh graders. This was the first time I was ever physically bullied. They only ever pushed me, but made indications of doing more harm. On occasion they would even throw rocks at me when walking home. I actually feared them and feared for what they might do next. I am so happy that I had a strong group of friends, but almost none of them were in my classes. They were more of a support group to go to than a security force. I never even thought to go to an official in the school. I am not sure why … I just felt like it was my own problems to deal with. Somehow I got through it.

Which brings me to high school. Grade ten was my problem year, especially in drama class. I got a very specific nickname: Franklin. The claim was that I looked like the childhood TV character, Franklin the Turtle. The title itself wasn’t very demeaning but you hear something with negative intentions day in and day out and it still has a negative impact. I ran for student council, and one of my favourite teachers recommended running for the Spirit Rep. She said that I should face the school head on with a smile: Dress up like Franklin! When she said that I was astounded. I had never told her about my situation, so I guess she had just been paying attention in the halls. She is still one of my favourite teachers, and I wish I had had the guts to take her advice and face the name calling head-on with integrity. Instead I just ran for a standard grade representative. I remember my speech … well it was actually a poem. I wrote a poem for my speech and delivered it over the PA. Later my friend told me that while I was delivering the poem, her desk neighbours started laughing, saying “why is a girl running for male rep”. Yes, a girl … again. Was it really my fault that my voice still hadn’t changed?

The girl jokes turned to gay jokes. Oh yes, if there’s one thing that has come up in our society that can emasculate a man more than calling him a girl, it’s calling him gay (at least in the bully’s eye). Now as it turns out I am actually gay, but at the time I was confused and actively pursuing a girlfriend. As in most high schools, there wasn’t a very prominent gay population and as such I didn’t much look forward to how these rumours might spread and feared for how they might be escalated. In drama class the taunts continued, with one female student actually making a move on me in an effort to, I don’t know, out me? The attempt resulted in a fall from a chair and a scare with scissors but everyone was fine. I did not attend the following drama class; honestly more as a point of principle than out of fear of another situation, but it resulted in some people meeting in the Vice Principal’s office. I respect what the VP tried to do: she understood that I was concerned for my safety and emotional stability and got the people involved to back down. After that things actually died down.

I like to think that I learned a lot about myself from these episodes, and I was very happy to have strong support from friends. To all others being bullied I would recommend that you seek out help: talk to parents and school officials, and see what programs are available at your school. If at any point there’s no one to turn to please call one of the bully hotlines. To bullies, please ask yourself what you get from being a bully. Please try to imagine being the bullied instead of the one bullying and find a better way. If you have your own troubles, then you too can find help at your school or community.

As a last note, and this might seem like a pedestal speech, I want to urge all of the LGBT youth to be strong. If you are being bullied and need help, again please talk to your parents, teachers and school programs. If you fear for their reactions, then at least turn to help phone services set up specifically for LGBT youth, and look for gay-straight alliances at your school. I understand that some households are just not accepting and you might feel trapped and utterly alone. If this applies to you, know that you are not. There is a whole world out here that are supporting you. It has been claimed that LGBT youth are 4 times as likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youths, and one to two of every five homeless youths identify as LGBT. Know that if you fit in to either of these statistics that there are special shelters and programs set up for you. Know that even in the worst cases, where you are utterly alone and can’t go to your parents or community for help that it WILL get better. You will soon finish school and then you have the power to go anywhere you want. I also want to thank and advertise Dan Savage and his “It get’s better” movement (please see www.itgetsbetter.org for more information and loads of helpful links).
Enormous thanks to Mark for doing this piece for me. Remember, if you want to reach me in regards to the Anti-bullying blog series, you can e-mail me at nancy.wood@mbsradio.com

Logo Credit to Nate

The Anti Bully Blog Series, Edition #8 Follow UP

Where to even begin. Well I’m going to educate you as best I can without giving up the identity of the Anti Bully interview I posted yesterday. I grew up with this kid, and the harsh reality of bullying, some kids don’t make it out alive. It’s a HARSH HARSH truth but one most who read this blog realize. This person though, the level of torment they endured, I think it’s a miracle that they did. They were abused because they DIDN’T fit into that mould people came to expect growing up, they were an individual, and if ANY of the people who DID bully them took the time to get to know them, they would have realized, this is a unique, smart, and interesting person. I’m not going to sit here and say they were my BEST FRIEND, but I will tell you they were my friend. I was talking to this person AFTER the interview and told them I had to give a HUGE tip of the hat to his parents. I came to know BOTH of them, and can tell you, they tried! They tried SO hard to get their son OUT of this situation. They were VERY involved parents, field trips when we were kids, one of them was typically a chaperone. What was funny was field trips, EVERYONE became this person’s friend, it was pretty two faced. I mentioned earlier that it was a miracle he survived the bullying, I think THEY were the miracles. No matter WHAT they did at the schools, the bullying didn’t seem to end, but they must have done something more at home. It’s REALLY unfortunate that this still haunts the individual into adulthood, but I will say this there is a VAST difference from that kid I knew, I’m not sure that kid could have opened up like that. But I feel the adult felt that they could do some good in sharing their story, and I’d have to agree. A HUGE thanks again to that person.

Remember, if you'd like to reach me about anything on the blog, OR you'd like to contribute, you can e-mail me nancy.wood@mbsradio.com

Logo credit to Nate

The Anti Bully Blog Series, Edition #8

YAY Back on a Roll with the blog series!I say that with pride, but I think I should give a heads up, and will continue to post this from here and up until. The Anti Bully Blog series WILL be taking breaks this month. Monday there will be no post. I took that day off because I have a few appointments that day so quite simply I won't have time. So I should have a Grand total of 4 next week. Then there will be a 2 week hiatus because I'm on Vacation and where most people can kind of chill on vacation, I'm getting married, so not so much, I'll be CRAZY busy. With any Luck I hope to get a post to you as soon as I get back. Unfortunately Bullying DOESN'Y take a vacation, so while I'm gone I URGE you to continue my work. Continue to promote anti bullying and help the cause. As always I'd like to continue to keep my blog interactive, if you have something you'd like to ask or would yourself like to contribute (should you choose to remain anonymous you will remain that way) You can e-mail me at nancy.wood@mbsradio.com. When I'm able to check into a computer during my time off I will be checking there and on FB.

Onto what the Blog is ALL about! I got VERY lucky with this one. It's another Interview, and when you read it you MAY catch why exactly this format was chosen. This is some one I know and they chose to remain anonymous. I have the privilege of Calling this person a friend and have for many years. I think I may have mentioned in past posts there was one person in my mind that popped out for this project, this is that person.

Nancy: So tell me about some of your experiences with bullying

Anti Bully: Well my experiences are pretty far back, as long as I can remember I was treated as a target for ridicule. But I'd say most of my worst experiences involved Junior high and beyond. One of the worst experiences I remember was this one time during gym class I had accidentally bumped into this girl and knocked her over as she ran past me
She flipped shit, threatening me then left. I didn't think anything of it until after school when I was walking home, she caught up to me Along with a fairly large group of kids. They pretty much surrounded me taunting me, while she started pushing me around. Well I dont believe in violence so I guess I didnt fight backShe ended up pushing me to the groundstarted kicking me while everyone surrounding me started taunting me Throwin rocks when I tried to get up Laughing. They all kept laughing at me as she kept kicking me, I managed to get up and finally get away But the entire time I ran for it I could hear them laughing, and rocks being thrown. People have no idea how demeaning that is, or the effect it has on people They think its just amusing to put something through that


N: Was this a regular occurrence? events like this?

AB: That one, no I wasn't typically physically harassed like that
The majority of the time it wasn't physical mainly emotional, name calling, rumours, lies etc etcI've had cases where people have spit on meStolen something of mine and thrown it around the room Not giving it back to me. I've been called all manners of hurtful names
Not a day went by at school where I didn't hear something hurtful or I didn't experience some form of torment

N: How did you deal with that?

AB: I tried my best to keep to myself I didn't have very many friends back then
And those I did befriend tended to be people similar to me, those people labeled outcasts
Which in many ways made it worse for me

N: How So?

AB: Well it mainly made everyone aware that you're labelled with a certain outcast group. Everyone knows you're bullied and those that do the bullying are more aware you're an open target But its not just because of the bullies, but the people I befriended, some of them hurt me more then the bullies themselvesOther people picked on like me, tended to turn on me. They'd either try to use me to make themselves look better to people around them Revert to name calling themselves, try to act like everyone else. I lost some of my closest friends that way

N: So you do you agree then with people saying that quite often bullies are victims of bullying themselves?


Anti Bully: In cases yes There are people out there who do it because they're the ridicule of someone else. They try to make themselves fit in better by targeting those others target
Hoping they'll be accepted. I was never one of those people though, I would never want to put someone through what I went through

Nancy: No, you really weren't. Did you have a "Safe place"?

AB: Yes When at school I tried to stick mainly to the library
Sometimes the computer labs. When out of school I tended to prefer to stay at home in my room. I grew comfortable just being alone the majority of the time In many ways its because I focused more on my studies as an escape. When you don't have many people you can rely on you try to find comfort in something else, for me it was my schoolwork

N: When I do these interviews, I tend to ask about parental involvement, I know yours were involved, what measures did they take to help you?

AB: They always supported me My parents were great, they tried to help me in whatever ways they could When I was younger, they talked to teachers and principles, try to see if anything could be done to stop the kids from bullying me

N: how did that work out?

AB: Usually didn't.You can't really stop kids .Not all of them.But even then my parents always did there best to help me

N: that seems to be the general feeling with the schools, do you think it's because they don't do enough or there's only so much they CAN do?

AB: I think its a bit of both. With kids there's only so much that a school can do
But at the same time they can still do much more then they are now

N: Can you think of an incident where you felt the school could have done more?

AB: There was this one time during High school in one of my classes. I had a known issues with this one kid, he would always harass me, Was a known trouble maker
For this one group project, the teacher assigned the kid to be my partner. Even when I told him about the bullying and explained I wanted another partner. He refused to switch me. Honestly, things did work out in this regard. But I should never have been put in that situation to begin with

N: That's outrageous! As an Adult do you face any of these issues now?

AB: Not so much now no Its not so much Im specifically targeted anymore But people in general where I work all tend to poke fun at eachother Coworkers joking around. Reason I mention this is its moreso how I react is the issue now that Im an adult. I have confidence and self esteem issues due to how I was treated throughout school So when people tend to joke with me, I sometimes take it personally. Im very easily offended, even when I know they're joking do my best not to show it, but the feelings still there
One of the few things that have stuck to me since High school. Honestly, I still have issues that have stuck to me since High school and many more that have appeared since because of it

Nancy: do you mind sharing what the newer ones are?

Anti- Bully : I don't mind.To point out things got better for me my last year of High school. I started making more friends, people were more accepting of me
Many of those friends I ended up going to University with Once I entered University, where people weren't targeting me as much and I was finally away from it all
All the issues I had dealt with through the years surfaced and kind of exploded
My grades started dropping I was struggling alot, sinking into depression. I knew i was failing and because of everything I went through in school my self esteem and confidence was shot I didnt think I could do anything. I can even remember the day it finally exploded. I was in the student union building hanging with some of my friends
One of them jokingly did something, And I flipped the hell out. Started yelling at him in the middle of the building Made me realize how badly things had actually affected me
I ended up seeing a therapist, was diagnosed with depression
That year of school I failed out of Dal Was academically kicked outI fought back against the dismissal. My therapist supported me and provided medical documentation that I was fighting depression Dalhousie let me back in, and I fought every year since to graduate, which I finally did But I was never the same I never quite regained my grades, I lost alot of my motivation. I used to write ya know, my teachers called me gifted
Aside from school work I haven't written a word since I left High school
I've still got ideas and my old stories, but I just lost the ability to do it anymore

N: I have to admit, that's why I was shocked you chose to go with the interview format.

AB: Yeah, thats pretty much the reason

N: So having gone through what you have, if you could say something to kids who are going through the same thing, what would you say?

AB: Dont put up with it Stand up for yourselves, don't just withdraw like I did
Don't hide away from the world Cause its affected me right through my life
I have alot of regrets, many things I wish I had done differently, don't put yourself into that situation. Don't let others decide what label you are in life
Build your own

N: ok, what about the bullies?what would you say to them ?

AB: Honestly, I'd like to put them through what I went through, but if I had just had to tell them something. I'd tell them to stop and think about the affect they have on people. Think about what damage they're causing, not just now but for the kids future. Because they're not just hurting the kid then and there. They're causing damage that ripples through someones entire life.

BIG thank you to this person for sharing, and ABSOLUTELY opening up. Remember the follow up to this post will be tomorrow, and I have some important things to say about this post.

Logo Credit to Nate

The Anti Bully Blog Series, Edition #7 Follow UP

Perfect example of a REALLY pathetic excuse for a human being. Am I passing judgment? You’re damn right I am. A blatantly obvious bully is one thing, but to have yourself in a situation like a relationship, where this person is some times referred to as “your better half”? That’s an all new low, and positively disgusting. I don’t know this person myself, they’re a friend of a friend, so this post has a unique angle on it. I’m in a relationship (about to be married thank you very much), and if my fiancé put me in such a situation as this? I don’t know how I would deal with that, I think it would be a very dark situation much like this one became. To actually put myself in this person’s shoes, turns my stomach . On that note, I have to also point out what an incredibly STRONG person this individual has to be. Not only had he put up with being bullied his entire life, when he seeks out what we ALL are looking for (I mean love) he’s faced with probably one of the harshest blows of his life. When you’re in a relationship, you become vulnerable, you hand over your trust and your heart. This person had BOTH spat on. Am I angry about this, I think that’s an understatement. I wouldn’t call this post a wrap up, I’d call it a rant. I say this negative stuff about the person who did this, because I’m angry. But this person HAS to be INCREDIBLY damaged to feel good about doing this to some one. I think I could continue on and on about this, but it would become repetitive and I think maybe hinder the message I am getting across. This is a project I’m passionate about, so I’m bound to get heated about it. Thanks again to this Anti-Bully, and thanks to you for being SO patient with this latest post, both to the reader AND to the person who did the piece for me.

Remember if you'd like to contribute to the Anti-Bully Blog series or wanted to contact me about something with it e-mail me Nancy.wood@mbsradio.com

Logo credit to Nate