So this Blog post was completely written by some one I grew up, and I mean literally because he lived up the street from me, Mark. The beauty of approaching him person was for starters they're a very creative, so they were able to write a fantastic piece for me, and I knew that. But another thing, that I'm REALLY excited about it is going to touch on bullying because of his sexuality. My High School had a Gay straight alliance which I was HEAVILY involved with, so needless to say I realize that bullying related to sexual orientation is a HUGE issue, and I'm very glad that we're now able to expand on to this topic with the blog. This post doesn't need anymore introduction I don't think, so I think I'll give you Mark's Piece
Bullying. Bully. Bullied.
When Nancy approached me with this project, I was excited. Recently bullying has been getting a lot of attention. This year has been plagued with LGBT-identifying kids and teenagers committing suicide in the U.S., and the Maritimes have had a slew of recent suicides maybe connected with cyber bullying.
As a non-jock, eccentric and quirky person, it probably comes as no surprise that I experienced bullying growing up. I want to stress that my experience is rather tame. I would be surprised if most of the kids that fall under the above description did not experience some form of bullying at some point. Thankfully, my experience was not the torturous routine that countless students go through, however bullying is bullying.
My bullying experience would have to begin in elementary school. At this point in my life the bullying was restricted to teasing. It’s probably fair to say that most kids at this age, including myself, teased each other, but I was definitely one that occasionally got singled out and the teasing was almost always the same. I was a small, emotional boy that had a flair for the dramatic. My voice’s pitch rivaled the girl the next desk over, and my flair for academia certainly didn’t help. Of all the names I was called, I think the only one that stuck was being called a girl. For some reason calling a young boy a girl seems to be one of the worst insults you can ever give. It’s horribly sexist towards women, and really shouldn’t been seen as an insult at all to men. Nevertheless, I was called a girl in elementary school. As a child this makes you feel like you’re not fitting in to some expected behaviour, makes you rethink everything you do, and makes you doubt yourself.
In junior high I experienced two levels of bullying. In the seventh grade our gym class was always followed by a grade 9 class, and more often than not they’d already be in the changing room getting ready for their class when we were getting ready to leave. Almost every day I was singled out (I was amazingly small, having not grown an inch in years) and they would pressure me to empty my school bag and they would take my lunch. My lunch! I felt like this was The Simpsons and Nelson was in the corner saying ‘Ha-Ha’. In hindsight I almost feel sad for them that they needed to do this, for whatever reason. In all likeliness it was to show power that they had over others and make them have respect among their peers. I believe that if enough of their peers would have just stood up and said that what they were doing was ‘not cool’ then it would have stopped. If a bully’s actions don’t get them power or respect, then what fuel is there? But this never happened and I would try to get to the changing room early, and fear every time I walked down that dimly lit corridor wondering if they’d be waiting.
Two years passed and I was in grade 9 suddenly being bullied by two seventh graders. This was the first time I was ever physically bullied. They only ever pushed me, but made indications of doing more harm. On occasion they would even throw rocks at me when walking home. I actually feared them and feared for what they might do next. I am so happy that I had a strong group of friends, but almost none of them were in my classes. They were more of a support group to go to than a security force. I never even thought to go to an official in the school. I am not sure why … I just felt like it was my own problems to deal with. Somehow I got through it.
Which brings me to high school. Grade ten was my problem year, especially in drama class. I got a very specific nickname: Franklin. The claim was that I looked like the childhood TV character, Franklin the Turtle. The title itself wasn’t very demeaning but you hear something with negative intentions day in and day out and it still has a negative impact. I ran for student council, and one of my favourite teachers recommended running for the Spirit Rep. She said that I should face the school head on with a smile: Dress up like Franklin! When she said that I was astounded. I had never told her about my situation, so I guess she had just been paying attention in the halls. She is still one of my favourite teachers, and I wish I had had the guts to take her advice and face the name calling head-on with integrity. Instead I just ran for a standard grade representative. I remember my speech … well it was actually a poem. I wrote a poem for my speech and delivered it over the PA. Later my friend told me that while I was delivering the poem, her desk neighbours started laughing, saying “why is a girl running for male rep”. Yes, a girl … again. Was it really my fault that my voice still hadn’t changed?
The girl jokes turned to gay jokes. Oh yes, if there’s one thing that has come up in our society that can emasculate a man more than calling him a girl, it’s calling him gay (at least in the bully’s eye). Now as it turns out I am actually gay, but at the time I was confused and actively pursuing a girlfriend. As in most high schools, there wasn’t a very prominent gay population and as such I didn’t much look forward to how these rumours might spread and feared for how they might be escalated. In drama class the taunts continued, with one female student actually making a move on me in an effort to, I don’t know, out me? The attempt resulted in a fall from a chair and a scare with scissors but everyone was fine. I did not attend the following drama class; honestly more as a point of principle than out of fear of another situation, but it resulted in some people meeting in the Vice Principal’s office. I respect what the VP tried to do: she understood that I was concerned for my safety and emotional stability and got the people involved to back down. After that things actually died down.
I like to think that I learned a lot about myself from these episodes, and I was very happy to have strong support from friends. To all others being bullied I would recommend that you seek out help: talk to parents and school officials, and see what programs are available at your school. If at any point there’s no one to turn to please call one of the bully hotlines. To bullies, please ask yourself what you get from being a bully. Please try to imagine being the bullied instead of the one bullying and find a better way. If you have your own troubles, then you too can find help at your school or community.
As a last note, and this might seem like a pedestal speech, I want to urge all of the LGBT youth to be strong. If you are being bullied and need help, again please talk to your parents, teachers and school programs. If you fear for their reactions, then at least turn to help phone services set up specifically for LGBT youth, and look for gay-straight alliances at your school. I understand that some households are just not accepting and you might feel trapped and utterly alone. If this applies to you, know that you are not. There is a whole world out here that are supporting you. It has been claimed that LGBT youth are 4 times as likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youths, and one to two of every five homeless youths identify as LGBT. Know that if you fit in to either of these statistics that there are special shelters and programs set up for you. Know that even in the worst cases, where you are utterly alone and can’t go to your parents or community for help that it WILL get better. You will soon finish school and then you have the power to go anywhere you want. I also want to thank and advertise Dan Savage and his “It get’s better” movement (please see www.itgetsbetter.org for more information and loads of helpful links).
Enormous thanks to Mark for doing this piece for me. Remember, if you want to reach me in regards to the Anti-bullying blog series, you can e-mail me at nancy.wood@mbsradio.com
Logo Credit to Nate
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