YAY Back on a Roll with the blog series!I say that with pride, but I think I should give a heads up, and will continue to post this from here and up until. The Anti Bully Blog series WILL be taking breaks this month. Monday there will be no post. I took that day off because I have a few appointments that day so quite simply I won't have time. So I should have a Grand total of 4 next week. Then there will be a 2 week hiatus because I'm on Vacation and where most people can kind of chill on vacation, I'm getting married, so not so much, I'll be CRAZY busy. With any Luck I hope to get a post to you as soon as I get back. Unfortunately Bullying DOESN'Y take a vacation, so while I'm gone I URGE you to continue my work. Continue to promote anti bullying and help the cause. As always I'd like to continue to keep my blog interactive, if you have something you'd like to ask or would yourself like to contribute (should you choose to remain anonymous you will remain that way) You can e-mail me at nancy.wood@mbsradio.com. When I'm able to check into a computer during my time off I will be checking there and on FB.
Onto what the Blog is ALL about! I got VERY lucky with this one. It's another Interview, and when you read it you MAY catch why exactly this format was chosen. This is some one I know and they chose to remain anonymous. I have the privilege of Calling this person a friend and have for many years. I think I may have mentioned in past posts there was one person in my mind that popped out for this project, this is that person.
Nancy: So tell me about some of your experiences with bullying
Anti Bully: Well my experiences are pretty far back, as long as I can remember I was treated as a target for ridicule. But I'd say most of my worst experiences involved Junior high and beyond. One of the worst experiences I remember was this one time during gym class I had accidentally bumped into this girl and knocked her over as she ran past me
She flipped shit, threatening me then left. I didn't think anything of it until after school when I was walking home, she caught up to me Along with a fairly large group of kids. They pretty much surrounded me taunting me, while she started pushing me around. Well I dont believe in violence so I guess I didnt fight backShe ended up pushing me to the groundstarted kicking me while everyone surrounding me started taunting me Throwin rocks when I tried to get up Laughing. They all kept laughing at me as she kept kicking me, I managed to get up and finally get away But the entire time I ran for it I could hear them laughing, and rocks being thrown. People have no idea how demeaning that is, or the effect it has on people They think its just amusing to put something through that
N: Was this a regular occurrence? events like this?
AB: That one, no I wasn't typically physically harassed like that
The majority of the time it wasn't physical mainly emotional, name calling, rumours, lies etc etcI've had cases where people have spit on meStolen something of mine and thrown it around the room Not giving it back to me. I've been called all manners of hurtful names
Not a day went by at school where I didn't hear something hurtful or I didn't experience some form of torment
N: How did you deal with that?
AB: I tried my best to keep to myself I didn't have very many friends back then
And those I did befriend tended to be people similar to me, those people labeled outcasts
Which in many ways made it worse for me
N: How So?
AB: Well it mainly made everyone aware that you're labelled with a certain outcast group. Everyone knows you're bullied and those that do the bullying are more aware you're an open target But its not just because of the bullies, but the people I befriended, some of them hurt me more then the bullies themselvesOther people picked on like me, tended to turn on me. They'd either try to use me to make themselves look better to people around them Revert to name calling themselves, try to act like everyone else. I lost some of my closest friends that way
N: So you do you agree then with people saying that quite often bullies are victims of bullying themselves?
Anti Bully: In cases yes There are people out there who do it because they're the ridicule of someone else. They try to make themselves fit in better by targeting those others target
Hoping they'll be accepted. I was never one of those people though, I would never want to put someone through what I went through
Nancy: No, you really weren't. Did you have a "Safe place"?
AB: Yes When at school I tried to stick mainly to the library
Sometimes the computer labs. When out of school I tended to prefer to stay at home in my room. I grew comfortable just being alone the majority of the time In many ways its because I focused more on my studies as an escape. When you don't have many people you can rely on you try to find comfort in something else, for me it was my schoolwork
N: When I do these interviews, I tend to ask about parental involvement, I know yours were involved, what measures did they take to help you?
AB: They always supported me My parents were great, they tried to help me in whatever ways they could When I was younger, they talked to teachers and principles, try to see if anything could be done to stop the kids from bullying me
N: how did that work out?
AB: Usually didn't.You can't really stop kids .Not all of them.But even then my parents always did there best to help me
N: that seems to be the general feeling with the schools, do you think it's because they don't do enough or there's only so much they CAN do?
AB: I think its a bit of both. With kids there's only so much that a school can do
But at the same time they can still do much more then they are now
N: Can you think of an incident where you felt the school could have done more?
AB: There was this one time during High school in one of my classes. I had a known issues with this one kid, he would always harass me, Was a known trouble maker
For this one group project, the teacher assigned the kid to be my partner. Even when I told him about the bullying and explained I wanted another partner. He refused to switch me. Honestly, things did work out in this regard. But I should never have been put in that situation to begin with
N: That's outrageous! As an Adult do you face any of these issues now?
AB: Not so much now no Its not so much Im specifically targeted anymore But people in general where I work all tend to poke fun at eachother Coworkers joking around. Reason I mention this is its moreso how I react is the issue now that Im an adult. I have confidence and self esteem issues due to how I was treated throughout school So when people tend to joke with me, I sometimes take it personally. Im very easily offended, even when I know they're joking do my best not to show it, but the feelings still there
One of the few things that have stuck to me since High school. Honestly, I still have issues that have stuck to me since High school and many more that have appeared since because of it
Nancy: do you mind sharing what the newer ones are?
Anti- Bully : I don't mind.To point out things got better for me my last year of High school. I started making more friends, people were more accepting of me
Many of those friends I ended up going to University with Once I entered University, where people weren't targeting me as much and I was finally away from it all
All the issues I had dealt with through the years surfaced and kind of exploded
My grades started dropping I was struggling alot, sinking into depression. I knew i was failing and because of everything I went through in school my self esteem and confidence was shot I didnt think I could do anything. I can even remember the day it finally exploded. I was in the student union building hanging with some of my friends
One of them jokingly did something, And I flipped the hell out. Started yelling at him in the middle of the building Made me realize how badly things had actually affected me
I ended up seeing a therapist, was diagnosed with depression
That year of school I failed out of Dal Was academically kicked outI fought back against the dismissal. My therapist supported me and provided medical documentation that I was fighting depression Dalhousie let me back in, and I fought every year since to graduate, which I finally did But I was never the same I never quite regained my grades, I lost alot of my motivation. I used to write ya know, my teachers called me gifted
Aside from school work I haven't written a word since I left High school
I've still got ideas and my old stories, but I just lost the ability to do it anymore
N: I have to admit, that's why I was shocked you chose to go with the interview format.
AB: Yeah, thats pretty much the reason
N: So having gone through what you have, if you could say something to kids who are going through the same thing, what would you say?
AB: Dont put up with it Stand up for yourselves, don't just withdraw like I did
Don't hide away from the world Cause its affected me right through my life
I have alot of regrets, many things I wish I had done differently, don't put yourself into that situation. Don't let others decide what label you are in life
Build your own
N: ok, what about the bullies?what would you say to them ?
AB: Honestly, I'd like to put them through what I went through, but if I had just had to tell them something. I'd tell them to stop and think about the affect they have on people. Think about what damage they're causing, not just now but for the kids future. Because they're not just hurting the kid then and there. They're causing damage that ripples through someones entire life.
BIG thank you to this person for sharing, and ABSOLUTELY opening up. Remember the follow up to this post will be tomorrow, and I have some important things to say about this post.
Logo Credit to Nate
No comments:
Post a Comment