Ok so here is the third edition in the series.This one was an interview with my good friend Melissa. She like me only had a brief period of time where she remembers BEING bullied, she has more of a memory of when we all started standing up for ourselves. Here's the interview:
Nancy: What are your own Experiences with Bullying?
Melissa: The experiences I have were mainly in Junior High. I was the new girl in town... Different, and of course people would pick up on that.
N: Getting a little more specific, was it things said to you, or was it ever physical?
M: It was never physical, it was always teasing verbally.
N: was there a specific group that typically did it?
M: Yup. It was the same group of guys every time.
Maybe about 4-5 of them.
N: How did you deal with that?
M: At first I would laugh it off, but there is only so long you can do that before it really starts getting to you. It hurt. Sometimes I would retreat and try to ignore it, sometimes I would wait till I was in the washroom and cry to myself. I was never really one to cry in front of people I don't know.
N: So After the new girl deal had past, did the bullying continue?
M: Oh yes, they found other things to tease me about. If it was not about how my hair was, it was how I was dressed, or just something random.
N: How did people around you react to it?
M: Most of the class laughed along with them... It was my friends who really stood by me and helped me ignore it. - Teachers? They pretty much just ignored it.
N: (I knew this was in reference to myself and our other friends)what sort of things would we do to help you?
M: Really just tell me to ignore them, that what they said was untrue and to basically take what they said with a grain of salt. When it didn't stop they helped me build courage to bring it up to the Harassment officer in the school. I was scared the teasing would just increase if I did that at first.
N: I think I remember that. When would you say this all ended for you?
M: I would say shortly after I went to the officer and I confronted each person in private and they apologized. - However, it was never really over... After that it was people I knew who would be bullied. So, knowing what it was like, I took it upon myself to stand up for those people who were too scared to stand up for themselves
Nancy: ok I'm definitely going to come back to that, but forgot to ask you, did you go to your parents at all with this?
Melissa : I never went to my parents.... I don't know why... When I would get home from school I would spend all my time in my room unless I was out with friends. I don't think they ever knew I was bullied at school.
N: Do you think if they'd know it would have made things different?
M: Probably... I had very protective parents... I know they would have done something to try to stop it... Perhaps that is why I didn't go to them. I was scared it would just make the teasing worse.
N: O k this part may seem a lot less of an interview and more of just a topic of conversation. That's because I was one of the friends who went through this with you so it almost seems stupid for me to ask you questions I know the answers to. You said you started standing up for people too scared to stand up for themselves. Do you have a for instance for me?
M: There was one time, I don't think it was you were scared to stand up... It was just no one was saying anything. I remember someone making comments about your mother... And I wasn't standing for that... So I went off on them for that. I think Angela or Lisa joined in...
N: k so for people who are reading this, the relevance of a comment about my mom, is that she died when I was like 5. It's actually weird I was talking with some one here at the station about this situation when I mentioned you were going to be featured. For the record, it was Lisa, followed by me, Angela held our backpacks. We didn't out number them either did we? it was like 3 on 3 and it was actually boys who said it. you followed one home and told his parents too didn't you ? (oops I guess as a kid I didn’t follow my own advice, that violence it stupid)?
M: Not that time... When I followed the guy home it was someone who had been throwing rocks at us as we walked home from school. I think this time it was they just left when they were shocked that we stood up like that.
N: I don't remember it getting too violent, I think they were jsut shocked because we were girls lol
M: lol Perhaps. Most of the time bullies are very surprised when their targets stand up for themselves... OR when someone stands up for them. At least back then... It shut them up real quick.
N: We DO have a few stories, maybe we were victimized more than we realized
Melissa: We do have a couple. It is surprising when we look back. The worst ones for me were not the personal bullying I went through. I seemed more effected when someone I cared about was bullied. I think that's why I got the courage and stood up for them.
Nancy : See stuff like this is what ACTUALLY started this series. I'd been talking about the issue of bullying and even mentioned how we ended up being friends with the kids that were bullied. It's actually where I started using the term Anti-Bully. That being said, I DID have some one I interviewed say, at some point or another we're all bullies, we may not even realize it. do you agree with that?
M: I have to say. Personally, I do agree. I know in elementry we all made fun of each other as a joke... But who are we to know that the other person wasn't secretly hurt by what we said? We would call our friends names as a joke... They wouldn't ever really come to us and say we hurt them...
N: Now with you we have the unique opportunity to talk to a mom about this. You have a 2 year old, and a second little one on the way, are you scared of what bullying has become, and what it could be for them?
M: I am. I am very scared for them and what it could be like for them in school. I am scared not only that they could become a victim themselves... But they could even become a bully... I can only hope what I teach them will prevent either.
N: Now, I'm gonna try and get you out of mom mode, and ask you, if you could say anything to the younger generation, that is dealing with being bullied right now what would it be?
M: I would have to say that if you are being bullied... as bad as it may be.. Do not let it happen. Retreating into yourself may seem like the passive way to do it. But you should tell someone about it, tell your friends, parents, someone... It will only continue unless you stand up for yourself in someway. Most of the time... The bullies don't expect it.. If it keeps happening... Just keep fighting back. They need to know that you are not as passive as they may think...
N: What about the Bullies? Got something to say to them?
(After A LOT of typing)
I'm thinkin there are a bunch of things you'd like to say
M: gotta send it in parts... lol too long for one post
There is sooo much I could say to bullies. I am not going to talk down to them because that would make me no better then they are. -- What I am going to tell them is that they need to understand and find the reasons behind what they are doing... Their words hurt... There could very well be reasons as to why they are saying those things... They could have insecurities about themselves and making someone else feel small is the only way to deal with it... They could have problems at home that make them deal with it... I read that most people who bully, are bullied themselves...
Either by siblings... Or parents... They too need to stand up for themselves... But also be the better person and take a moment to look at what they are doing... How they feel when it is happening to them? Not so good I would suspect. I don't think they wake up one morning and say " I think I am going to be a bully today." I believe something causes them to act that way... And something needs to be done about that just as much as the bullying itself.
there we go.
Nancy: Ok so do you think YOUR expearience with bullies has influenced you as an adult?
Melissa: I'd have to say that it did influence me a little bit. It made me not put up with it at least.
BIG thanks to Melissa, remember if you had a question or wanted to be in contact with Melissa or any of the other Anti-Bullies, e-mail me nancy.wood@mbsradio.com. Use that same address to get more info on how to become an Anti-Bully. AND if you want to give us a new logo, e-mail me! Big thanks to Nate for our current one
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